Diocesan Director of Formation, Sabrina Evans, wrote a reflection after attending the Marriage Matters Retreat at St. Crispin's.
Marriage Retreat 2020
What would make 14 couples give up a Saturday and Sunday to
spend talking about their marriage, shared values, and Sabbath? Couples who
want to have stronger relationships, be able to discuss any potential issues in
a safe and loving atmosphere, and have time with their spouse away from work, home, and
children.
The weekend included working with music to set the session theme, materials from
The Daring Way by Brené Brown,
Ph.D., LMSW, and our Relationship House information from Dr. John M. Gottman
and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, and then to Sabbath Planning.
I must tell
you; my husband and I have been married for 41 years, and my reason for
attending was to see how the retreat ran so I could share it with others. My
spouse went “along for the ride” as he didn’t want to stay home on Saturday and
part of Sunday by himself. The thought that we might learn something never
crossed my mind. But I was wrong.
Our lives are
much different that most of those attending. My husband is retired, and I am
two years away from the same. We have no family in Oklahoma as we moved here
from Alabama for my job. So, there are very few obstacles that keep us from
being out of our house nightly. When the idea of a “date night” was discussed,
I laughed. To me, every night was date night!
But reflecting
on the session, I thought about how if we are at home, one is in one chair
watching Netflix, and the other on the sofa watching television, and a computer
open to Facebook. The conversations are limited and there are no discussions of what is
seen or heard.
We decided that
we wanted to have one-night set aside for movie night. We would be on the
couch watching one movie TOGETHER and put all other distractions away. And as it turns out, it IS really fun
to be together watching the same thing!
The other thing
I came away with is an understanding of division of labor and how that has
changed. With my husband retired and me still working, there has been a huge
shift. He assumes many of the chores that I used to do on Saturday, such as
laundry. He makes daily trips to the grocery store to keep us stocked with our
go-to items. I still cook or do the meal arranging but he will do the dishes.
Life will change again after I retire but to recognize that he has assumed most
of the housework was very enlightening. And to be thankful for his gift of time
to be able to do these things is something I am most grateful for and want to
celebrate this gift with him.
All in all, the Marriage Retreat ended up being a great blessing to my husband and I's relationship. The intentional time to work on our relationship and acknowledge each other's gifts strengthened our bond and love for one another. We highly recommend this program to ALL couples in the Diocese who want to grow together in God's love.
Sabrina Evans
Director of Christian Formation
Episcopal Diocese of Oklahoma